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Masturbation proclamation

Marion Kimble

What’s the big deal about sex? I’m an honest-to-goodness virgin at 22.

I don’t care if everyone knows. I get by on a little masturbation here and there watching videos from websites like teentuber.xxx (https://www.teentuber.xxx/) to enhance the experience a little bit.

Plus there are some fantastic sex toys out there nowadays that make masturbation even more exciting. For example, just go to the Femplay website to see a wide range of the most popular sex toys out there.

It’s no big deal. The big deal is the hoops some people will jump through to get a complacent partner.

Let’s review the steps.

First you have to find someone who doesn’t make you sick to your stomach.

That’s a task and a half in itself.

Everyone has issues, and I don’t have time to put mine aside to work on anyone else’s.

If you decide to go that far, you’ve got to make them want you too.

Oh please, shoot me now. If I wanted to waste my time selling myself, I’d go hang out on Sunset Boulevard offering quickies to johns.

The dates, which occasionally lead to some climactic moment in the sack, are filled with interview-like questions and often-hypocritical judgments that only serve as a viaduct to the final objective.

So, let’s say we wasted our time, played the game, and poof, now we have someone we’re “compatible” with. Now we have to pass that honeymooner stage.

Great, more fake gestures in a world of sunshine smiles and sharpened knives from some chick I barely know.

As if calling the jerks at home on their bullshit wasn’t enough.

It all sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

This is the world we live in. We waste our time vying for the emotions of someone who will probably end up screwing our best friend in some dank hotel on the Vegas Strip.

But that’s life, right? You can’t live without taking chances.

The protective veil of satire and aloofness only protects you for so long.

Eventually, everyone realizes that the world keeps moving whether they’re ready or not. Sex is part of the movement.

Just like all of the other responsibilities associated with becoming an adult, it’s just part of life.

Of course there are alternatives.

If you look hard enough, there is always someone ready to screw the next thing that moves.

But with the endless list of STDs and horror stories involving failed birth control methods, who wants to take that chance?

One night in the sack isn’t worth losing my jewels or finding a surprise baking in the oven a few months later.

At least masturbation is quick, clean and harmless.

So I urge everyone to oil your palms or shave a vegetable and join me in an alternative to the dangerous, time-consuming act you all know in your hearts is overrated. If you don’t like it, you can go back to your smelly bars full of smelly drunks and wake up with an itch below the belt tomorrow morning. But let us not forget that masturbation can be crazy addictive! check out websites similar to masturbationaddiction.com to make sure you have your masturbation habits managed properly. If you know your masturbation habits are getting out of hand and turning into somewhat of an addiction, perhaps it’s time to keep it interesting by investing in a cock lock if you’re a male; this will ensure you maintain chastity. If only there was a female equivalent…

Marion Kimble ()

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