Dear Romantic,
Having a crush is possibly one of the best feelings in life. The thrill of catching their eye, the butterflies that wreak havoc on your stomach when they smile at you, the hope that they think about you as much as you think about them – it all leaves you in a semi-dazed state of bliss. You don’t know anything bad about them yet, and all you want to do is spend time with them.
Dating is complicated to begin with, but add a situation such as school or work, and you could have a real conundrum on your hands. When it comes to someone that you see on a regular basis in the confines of a classroom or a workplace, you have to take several things into consideration.
First, there is the distraction of dating someone new. Are you ready to focus extra hard on normal things because your mind will already be full of this new person? If you have a busy school schedule and a lot of tests, projects and papers coming up, it is better to wait until you can handle a bit of a distraction.
If you decide that focusing on a new relationship won’t keep you from studying or working as hard as you need to, the next issue is the fact that if this person is not interested, you are now stuck seeing them every week and possibly being embarrassed that you admitted to having feelings when they had none. If you realize that not everyone you like is gonna like you back and don’t let a little rejection define your worth, this might not be a problem.
Before asking anyone out, it’s usually a good idea to have had some interaction with this person and know that you have some things in common and can carry a conversation. Are you just staring longingly at her across the room but you’ve never talked? Start small. You don’t want the first thing you say to her to be an invitation to dinner.
A girl usually wants to know that there is more to a guy than what he looks like before she will agree to go on a date with him. She wants to know that she is comfortable with him and that he makes her feel good. So talk to her, find out what her interests are, and compliment her. If you don’t feel comfortable telling her that she looks pretty, tell her that she has a great smile, that you like her hair, or that she’s funny or smart. Keep talking to her and giving her genuine compliments. Give her a reason to think about you and wonder if you are going to ask her out.
If you get to the point where you think she’ll say yes, ask her out. Confidence is very attractive, so don’t be shy about it.
If, however, you are unsure, waiting a while is probably wise. If you get to the end of the semester and are still not sure if she likes you, take a chance and ask her out anyway. You won’t know unless you try.
Do you have a question for Kate? Don’t shy away, ask Kate anything by sending an email to AskKateAnything@gmail.com. If you have a question of a sensitive nature and would like to remain anonymous, your identity will be kept a secret.