Jennifer Rock
You look good, but you could look better,” is what one boyfriend told me as we sat by the swimming pool one summer day in 2004.
What he didn’t realize as those words left his mouth, was that I had been struggling with body image issues since I was 18 years old.
I hear it all the time from guys, “Oh, that chick’s fat; she should lose a few.”
I don’t think men our age really take into consideration what they say around the opposite sex.
With the media displaying images of “rail thin” girls in commercials for beer, lotion, makeup and just about any product on the market, I think girls tend to feel like they have to live up to unrealistic standards.
At the beginning of 2005, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. My new year’s resolution was to lose 25 pounds before the summer.
I had been looking at myself in the mirror, a distorted image that made me think I was a 300-pound girl getting heavier every day she did not exercise.
So one day I started taking a banned dietary supplement called ephedrine.
Most people know about ephedrine as the “herbal speed” that helps you lose weight effortlessly, meanwhile killing people by heart attack and stroke.
At the time, I really didn’t care what the repercussions were of taking this drug. I did not care what the repercussions were of this drug at the time.
The only thing I could think about was losing enough weight to fit into a bathing suit by summer.
I started taking one pill a day in the morning with my breakfast, which usually consisted of egg whites and fruit.
By noon, my heart was racing and I was jittery, hyper as hell, a tad bit more social, anxious and would carry a positive outlook on everything I did throughout the day.
This high would last for most of the day until the late afternoon when I would come down from the drug and crash.
The symptoms of the “come down” included exhaustion and a bitchy attitude that would last for at least a couple hours.
I would treat everyone as if they were my best friends, but by 6 p.m. they became my enemies, or at least that is how I treated them.
One pill a day became two day for the next two months.
By this time I had lost 20 pounds and I felt great, so I thought.
My friends started complaining about my personality.
“Jen, what is wrong with you? One minute you’re too excited and the next, you’re irritated with us for no reason!”
I didn’t listen to them because I was so happy with my weight loss. and I even decided to up the ante to three pills a day.
After four months of popping my “herbal speed,” I had lost a few friends and I started to notice my heart would start to race out of nowhere.
I finally decided to stop taking ephedrine and just work out as normal.
I weaned myself off of the drug for the first week and then quit “cold turkey” after that.
It was hard to stop at first, the cravings for the “herbal speed” made me irritated, and often my heart would race without even being on it.
After about a month of being clean of the drug I had gained back twice as much weight as I had lost. I also noticed that it was harder to lose the extra weight.
I started to forget a lot of details over the last few months of my binge; simple things like where I had gone the night before.
When I went to the doctor for my check up, he said I was dehydrated and my heart was beating way too fast while I was at rest.
It was clear that the ephedrine had taken its toll on my body.
It has been has been more than a year since and even though I am glad I stopped taking the drug, I still struggle from time to time with my body image.
Now I try to eat healthy and keep myself active with the gym and an occasional hike on the weekends.
One lesson I learned throughout that experience: no drug is worth ruining your body.