Linda Coburn
Stalking.
That word has been in the news a lot lately with the revelation that the perpetrator of the Virginia Tech massacre had previously been accused of stalking two female students.
Everyone on campus should pay attention.
A U.S. Department of Justice study, “The Sexual Victimization of College Women,” published in 2000, found 13.1 percent of female college students had been stalked and a total of 696 stalking incidents were reported.
Another DOJ study reported in 1998 that adults between the ages of 18 and 29 are the primary targets of stalking, comprising 52 percent of all victims.
Men can be stalking victims as well, with 2 percent of men nationwide reporting having been stalked at some point in their lives.
What constitutes stalking?
An entire section of the California Penal Code is devoted to stalking. Section 646.9(a) states: Any person who willfully, maliciously, and repeatedly follows or willfully and maliciously harasses another person and who makes a credible threat with the intent to place that person in reasonable fear for his or her safety, or the safety of his or her immediate family is guilty of the crime of stalking…. There are numerous sub-sections that further define what constitutes harassment and what a credible threat is, among other things.
Why me?
Manuel Flores-Esteves, Pierce professor of counseling, said that the cases of stalking he has dealt with usually have to do with a romantic relationship. Often, “there is uncontrollable jealousy,” he says.
According to the DOJ study, four in five female college students knew their stalkers, which included boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, classmates, acquaintances, friends and co-workers.
Only in very rare cases were professors or graduate assistants implicated.
I’m afraid – now what?
“Making a report is always a good idea,” said Swanson.
“We investigate every complaint.”
But first, make sure the person you feel is stalking you understands, in no uncertain terms, that their attention is unwanted. In other words, Just Say No.
Too often young people, particularly women, feel uncomfortable telling their pursuer to leave them alone. They feel it’s rude or impolite and so they just sort of ignore the behavior.
Flores-Esteves makes the point clearly.
“Never avoid.
“It’s always real. By postponing the inevitable it gets worse,” he said.
Swanson said that many times when the Sheriff’s Department investigates an alleged stalker, the perpetrator claims they were not aware their behavior was causing someone to be fearful.
But if you are concerned that a confrontation could lead to a physical altercation, then contact the Sheriff’s office first.
You can also go to the Pierce counselors who have specific training in how to deal with these types of incidents.
“We offer crisis intervention,” Flores-Esteves said. “Sometimes there is a need for someone to be seen immediately.”
What if you’ve already made it clear that you feel harassed and threatened?
Start documenting.
Write down dates and times of unwanted contact. If you can, record any phone calls. Print out copies of e-mails.
If you already have a restraining order against this person, have a copy of that available for the Sheriff’s detectives.
Don’t wait too long, though, to go to the Sheriff’s office.
“If you don’t have documentation, that’s OK,” Swanson said.
“We will start a report based on what you say.”
While the Sheriff’s office can investigate the situation, they do not have the ability to issue a restraining order.
This is a legal document issued by a court that is given to the harasser stating that they must stop the unwanted behavior.
There are different types of restraining orders and it would be best to talk with an attorney or get help from a free or low-cost legal aid organization.
The Pierce counseling office and the Sheriff’s office can both assist you in taking this next step.
The best offense is a good defense. The best way to avoid a stalking situation, according to Swanson, is to refrain from giving out your personal e-mail, cell phone, address, etc., to anyone who you don’t know very well.
For instance, have a “throw-away” e-mail account, like one of the free accounts offered by Yahoo! or Hotmail, which can be deleted if someone becomes annoying.
Trust your instincts.
If someone seems creepy or makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, do not give them a way to contact you and do not give them any reason to think that you might just be playing hard-to-get.
“I don’t want to talk to you,” is a perfectly acceptable thing to say to anyone.
Then walk away, hang up or terminate the “instant message” immediately.
Keeping it in perspective the statistics show that stalking rarely results in any kind of physical assault.
Most stalkers are content with inflicting emotional and psychological damage on their victims.
Flores-Esteves agrees. “It’s a power-trip,” he said.
But don’t use that as an excuse to be nonchalant.
According to the DOJ study, 81 percent of women who were in an intimate relationship with their stalker were physically assaulted by them.
Worse, 90 percent of women who were murdered by their intimate partner had been stalked by them.
As Flores-Esteves said, “The important thing is that you take action.”
Source: Jeanine Swanson, senior lead deputy, L.A. County Sheriff’s Department station at Pierce College
(Alex Funes)