Dear Jaded,
Ah, women. That ever-present mystery in a man’s mind.
There are a few different answers to this question, and they range depending on the woman.
Some women were raised in terrible situations, with fathers who abused them physically, emotionally, and/or sexually. In the minds of many of these women, they do not deserve anything better. They have been degraded for so long that they believe what they are told by their abuser.
They may say over and over that they want a relationship with a man who won’t treat them poorly, but they end up going for the bad guy every time. Those women should seek counseling to help break free from those tendencies toward destructive relationships. There are also now legal firms that offer emotional support, like Peters and may, if you need a divorce to separate yourself from an unhealthy relationship.
With luckier women who did not suffer from abuse, the answer is a little more complicated. A lot of times it has to do with maturity. The jerks may seem like more fun, or the whirl of emotions that this kind of guy evokes might make a girl feel more alive.
Like the Taylor Swift song goes, “He respects my space and never makes me wait and he calls exactly when he says he will… but I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, and it’s 2 a.m. and I’m cursing your name. I’m so in love that I act insane, and that’s the way I loved you.”
This song was written by a teenager. No grown woman wants that kind of instability for her life. No one wants to live and deal with the bad boy for very long. He makes an irresponsible husband and a bad father.
That being said, a guy who is overly nice can be annoying. If you tell a woman she is beautiful every time you see her, she may start to think that you are just saying it because you think she wants to hear it.
Yes, it is very nice for a woman to know without a doubt that her man thinks she’s beautiful and is attracted to her, but it means more when she is caught off guard by the compliment.
You shouldn’t go months or even weeks without telling her how you feel about her, even years into a relationship. But don’t let it become a meaningless phrase that you recite.
One classic move that nice guys make is to always let the girl choose the restaurant or the movie or the events of an evening. You might think you are being sweet, but it can be very frustrating or even come off as lazy. Good women want their men to be happy too. If you have a woman who wants to choose everything, you have probably found someone selfish and you should run away.
Instead of making her pick all the time, if you truly want to impress her or show her that you care about her, pay attention to what she likes and make decisions based on her preferences.
A woman wants to know that a guy can take care of her, while still respecting her independence.
So if you’re a “nice guy,” maybe man up a little. Don’t be a jerk, but just be who you are instead of who you think she wants you to be.
There’s a difference between a nice guy and a pushover.
If you truly are just a nice guy, you will find a woman who will appreciate that and love you for it. There are plenty of women who sincerely want that.
Do you have a question for Kate? Don’t shy away, ask Kate anything by sending an email to [email protected]. If you have a question of a sensitive nature and wish to remain anonymous, your identity will be a kept a secret.
