Lately I feel like a caged bird.
I was supposed to move to Long Beach over the summer because I’m transferring to California State University, Long Beach.
Since CSUs are online for the fall semester, I’m going nowhere. Although I’m excited to attend a new school, I still feel like my academic plans are stagnant.
I had already been looking for places to move and talking to potential roommates, and I’m so disappointed about having to abandon those plans. I had saved up to prepare for the move. I finally had enough money to move out of my parent’s place, and I can’t even celebrate that accomplishment.
Personally, my family home is a toxic space, and I felt like I was going to be free from that negativity once I moved out. I’m scared to see how being forced to stay home is going to affect my mental health. I was also hoping that being physically apart from my family was going to improve my relationship with them.
My happiness is being postponed.
The pride I have in graduating and transferring has been diminished as well.
I was so happy to be graduating and getting my associate degree because it’s been five years since I graduated high school. I dropped out of the last college I went to, and it was such a relief to finally have finished something.
Of course, I’m still getting my degree, but it doesn’t feel like I’m moving on to a better future if I can’t move and physically be in a new school.
I wanted to explore the campus because I was obsessing over the photos of how good it looks. I wanted to join clubs, explore campus life events and meet new people. I didn’t put all my effort into applying to school just for it to be online.
I was looking forward to starting a new chapter.
Now it just feels like I’m stuck on the same page.